dearinter.netbeta

Dear Internet,

I have quite a serious question to ask; more a plea for advice, really. I debated asking it anonymously, but decided against it for a variety of reasons, one being that I am truly desperate and don't care about anonymity. This question will require some explanation, so please bear with me.

My boyfriend has a friend that we used to hang out with a lot (last winter it was always us going over to the friend+fiancee's place). The two of them (the couple) have many relationship problems that all of us knew about, including having really unhealthy, horrible fights. Yet they still stayed together. The kind of couple you wish could be happy together all the time, but can only shrug hopelessly about whilst staying out it. Then this past spring they had one of the worst fights you can have: it got physical. On both sides, but the fiancee was the one that ended up... well, lets just say she had to tell her coworkers she was in a car wreck. She called me sobbing hysterically and I went over there while the man went over to my boyfriend's place. Because of my own bad experiences with men, the whole thing ended up being rather traumatic for me. My boyfriend and I had to not talk about it for weeks in order to avoid taking sides, because the couple excells in denial and got back together. Everything was ok for a while because my bf and the man weren't hanging out much anymore, which turned into at all, and so we didn't have to deal with the situation.

Things have changed, though. He's back in my boyfriend's life now, the fiancee and he are getting married next month (we're invited, joy), and somehow or another, all our joint friends know him or hang out with him in some capacity now on a regular basis. No one but my bf and I know about what happened. I don't trust him, I'm afraid of him, the situation disgusts me, and there is no one I can talk to about it because my code of honor, morals, whatever, don't allow for taking someone into my confidence and shattering their opinion of him. My boyfriend's code of honor won't allow him to dump the man as a friend. I feel like I am trapped in an intolerable situation with absolutely no way out. I don't think I have the right to make my boyfriend choose between us, but this situation is like a slow poison or infection for me: it's getting worse and it's starting to affect my relationship with him and all our friends. What can I possibly do??

In desperation,
Magpie

P.S. My apologies for the lengthy question!